As you can no doubt tell, I was ANGRY! This game symbolises everything I can possibly hate. Slake's stupid off-time music, being asked the same question twice, and now, Alice In Videoland. Previously I was unable to stand the onslaught of drugged, nonsensical corrupt crap which attacks your senses, and I was unable to complete the first level because it was SO GODDAMN...ARRRRRRRGH! NEED TO PUNCH THINGS! First, here's the description of the game from my review:

"Uh, you appear to be a girl who falls down a pixely hole (sometimes - there's a bug so you don't always) full of bathroom tiles. And then you eventually reach the bottom and then you walk around in a room smeared with ice cream or something and avoid tables."

Anyway, now I'm going to run through the horrors of this buggered up shit made by some guy who was stupid enough to put his real name on the damn thing. I should point out I was by no means stupid enough to PLAY this STUPID game again, so what I say might be bullshit.

	This is the title screen, or the first level if you prefer. It qualifies as a level if you ask me because you can somehow completely bugger up and not jump into the rabbit hole, or jump over it, or something. It looks nice here, what with that goddamn tree flirting with you, and...um...a rabbit and a purple mountain, but oh, this wonderland - or 'Videoland', as they call - it is pure drug-induced psychosis. This sure as hell isn't the Videoland Captain N was in, because I tell you, he'd bloody well shoot his head off with his zapper if he was in THIS one.
	At this stage I appear to be going down a giant toilet. You can see the poop and everything. But no, this is the other side of the rabbit hole. Now, I hate Alice in Wonderland, but I've played Kingdom Hearts so I know how this should go, and I don't quite understand what the hell is going on.
	At this point you enter the real level, where you get attacked by retarded-looking bottles, what I think are pictures of some shit, and some other crap like hairbrushes or something. I forget. Oh, and keys. This level is PURE UNADULTERATED BULLSHIT and I swear what you do has no outcome on if you finish the level or not. So just hit the emulator's speed-up key. If you try to play this level it'll result in such phrases as "WHAT THE HELL? I PUT THAT KEY IN THE LOCK AND NOTHING HAPPENED AND, OH SHITTY DONKEY ARSE! THE KEY'S DISAPPEARED? WHAT IS THIS GODDAMN SHIT? GIMME BACK MY KEY!". It's looking pretty bad now, but you're still going down the hole for some reason at this point...and the bottom is...
	It's a pile of garbled creamy bullshit! Complete with a bullshit cake! Now this level is COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT. Basically there's stupid tables making walls and some invisible walls and you just bump around until it says END OF THE LEVEL. Don't even try to comprehend what you do. This level will kill you ten times over before you beat it, and since you can't die in the game...oh man. I wish you could. I seriously do. But NOOOO! You have to walk around the STUPID MAGICAL BULLSHIT RETARDED ICECREAM CAKE ROOM AND AVOID GODDAMN STUPID TABLES UNTIL YOU WISH YOU COULD KILL YOURSELF BUT YOU CAN'T AND YOU JUST BREAK DOWN AND CRY LIKE THE MOFO'ING CORRUPT SPRITE YOU ARE. ASSHOLE PISS SHIT SHIT ARSE MANWHORE ARSE BUGGERY! PILLAGING YOU ARSE!
	This next level looks pretty, right? The caterpillar with the bong, the pink cheshire cat flexing its bicep? WRONG! This level is PURE 100% A-GRADE COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT ON-TAP. The caterpillar blows some shit at you and you have to jump over the mushrooms and get like something that flies by and there's butterflies and shit, and you get knocked down a lot and the game plays at like 200BPM speed and, and GODDAMN YOU WILL WANT TO DIE. I SHIT YOU NOT, THIS GAME WILL MAKE YOU MURDER YOUR FAMILY, THE NEIGHBOURS FAMILY AND THE FAMILY OVER THE ROAD JUST BECAUSE THIS GAME IS PURE UNADULTERATED SATANIC BULLSHIT. THIS LEVEL WAS INVENTED TO REDUCE THE WORLD'S POPULATION BY DEATH. I also forgot to mention that SatanSlake composed the music. EAT SHIT
	Now this level looks like pure retarded bullshit evil satanic crap, right? Actually, I don't remember much about it. It's probably totally awesome. I seem to remember you just run at the purple thing and you automatically go to the next level! BASTARD ARSENUGGET
	Ah, the stupid bullshit croquet pinball level. While Space Moose runs around with her messed up capital T down the bottom and there's a basketball attacking you, you somehow have to bounce the basketball into your hoop thing, but it's pure goddamn luck and the AI is so stupid it'll just as easily score you a goal, so just sit back, and pretend the last level was THE last level, because if you don't, WELCOME TO PURE 100% A-GRADE COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT ON-TAP COUNTY, POPULATION: YOU. The dialogue would be something like "HAHAH! YOU'RE GONE NOW YOU STUPID BAG-HEADED BITCH! OH NO! WHAT THE DEVIL? I HIT IT INTO MY OWN GOAL THING! BUT WHAT IN BLAZES, IT DIDN'T STOP MOVING FOR LIKE 10 SECONDS! WHAT THE HELL, IT JUST STARTED AND REBOUNDED INTO MY OWN GOAL WITHOUT ME TOUCHING IT AND I COULDN'T DO SHIT! I WANT TO DIE!"

If you beat the stupid Space Moose croquet golf smacktard playing card basketball game, the game says GAME OVER, WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN. Honestly, I can't even think of a funny answer to this, so I'll just let my emotions answer it. SHIT SHIT SHIT EAT MY BLOODSOAKED TURDS! Shit that felt good. This game got owned. I mean, I'm usually quite a nice guy and I wouldn't say anywhere near the amount of bullshit I've said here, but this game brings out the worst in you. SCREW YOUR SHITTY CROQUET GAME

This game is sick. I swear, if there's someone you don't like, force them to play this game! And keep well back, because they're likely to punch things! Before I progress, I might as well save you the pain of viewing this game twice and put the results from the Emutech review right here, complete in the original 'honorary impossible to read color scheme', designed to annoy you even further. And I'll put updated scores on equally hard to read colors to the right:

So, have you realised yet this game is PURE SATANIC CRAP THAT MAKES YOU INVENT NEW SWEAR WORDS? Just be glad you didn't write this review! To add inspiration I have the music playing. DAMN YOU SLAKE! DAAAMNNN YOU! Now that's it. I am saying nothing more on this game, ever. Shut the hell up. I forgot to mention this game temporarily gave me Tourette's syndrome.

Until the next time I review it, anyway...

BONUS FEATURE! GURT'S COMMENTS ON OTHER THINGS DIRECTLY AFTER HAVING WRITTEN THIS REVIEW FEATURING THE CHICKEN IN THE BANANA FROM KERMIT'S ELECTRONIC STORYBOOK!