You know, when I was young, I really really liked the movie Terminator 2. But slowly and surely, shitty games like this and the NES version slowly ruined it. I thought the best possible thing I could do for mankind at this point of time was to expose the homoerotic horrors of this game, in full. Firstly, I must advise you this game might be great for people who have diarrheoa, because nothing bungs you up your anus faster than a jolly old game of TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY on the glorious 16-bit machine of your choice! And on that note, I'm going to follow that up with the game's introduction screens.

Here is the T-800 appearing.	Here is the T-800 naked.	Here is the T-800 naked and a probable homosexual on a motorcycle.
Here is the T-800 naked and the probable homosexual riding past the T-800 delicately covering up his testicles.	Here is the T-800 naked and the probable homosexual again, except the T-800 is going up some stairs and he's still conveniently covering up his testicles - or gonads, if you prefer.	Here is the T-800 naked and the probable homosexual "popping a mono" as to cover up the T-800's testicles.

If you were playing this game for the first time, you'd be in stitches by now, if you aren't just by the screenshots. You know, this bar appears to be a gay bar in this game. I'd make a joke about that, but T3 kind of ruined gay bar Terminator jokes for all time (being a bad movie and all). Damn you, T3! So I'll just get on, err CONTINUE the review by introducing level one!

The most annoying thing about the start of the game is not that you have no weapons. It's that everyone else has pistols, shotguns and knives, and you have a punch that might just barely be effective enough to, say, crush a roach or ring a particularly soft doorbell - if, of course, it had the range to reach it, which unless your nose is touching said roach or doorbell it does not, and an even poorer range can-can dance attack which does slightly more damage (as seen here). Weapons in this game include a pistol, a shotgun, and later on a M-16 and a minigun. The M-16 is annoying because SWAT guys regularly drop it, but you really would wanna keep the minigun. Especially if you're a dirty rotten cheat with infinite ammo like I am. The most common objective of the game is to destroy 'future objects', that stupid box with the X in the corner there. There's usually 2-6 per level. These are annoying. Like Urkel. They should be called 'padding objects', because the game would be a lot shorter and a lot better without them. Characters in this area, affectionately known by me as 'Club #bearcave' in honor of Knuckle Bash (one of the most non-Cho Aniki homoerotic games of all time), include:

	The Terminator (Dan Akroyd) This is you, the Terminator (played by Dan Akroyd). Your aim seems to be to destroy and kill.
	Incredibly Gay & Balding Knife Thrower This guy is very gay and he has knives.
	#bearcave CEO w/shotgun This is the CEO or something of Club #bearcave. He has a shotgun, so if you knee him in the nuts near the bar, you can take it. But only if you're near the bar. Because he's stupid.
	Probable Homosexual on a Motorcycle As shown before, this is the PHM. I dunno if he does anything, but if you shoot him, he does a pretty good trick and he keeps riding, lying motionless on the bike. In a straight line, too!
	Highly Homosexual Man w/pistol This guy is to T2 as Benimaru is to KOF. The way how he shoots his gun (pictured) is proof! Honestly, I don't need to say any more. I'm stopping this sentence right here!
	Ugly Bitch w/tray This woman doesn't attack you, but it's probably a good idea to shoot her anyway. You'd be doing the world a favour.

Here is a picture of me shooting Ugly Bitch w/tray point blank in the face. I zoomed it in cos it was hard to see because the sprites are TOO SMALL!

Here's a picture of me driving to the next level, between two T-1000 trucks. Of course, the whole aquaduct sequence thing isn't even in the game. Because the game's completely and utterly like the movie, right down to the part where Arnie shot the bitch in the face.

Here's John Connor's house. Note the security alarm above. If you don't shoot it, as soon as you enter, the place will be swarming with cops, because cops in LA actually presume the second an alarm goes off something BIG is happening! This makes the level insanely difficult. Of course, if you shoot it, the T-1000 won't even come for about 2 minutes, and the cops for about 4, thus making the level boring. So which is it gonna be? (you could easily beat this level in under 2 minutes if you know what to do)

The house, for some reason, is full of INVISIBLE DYNAMITE. As soon as you walk over it, it appears, then explodes! Note this "feature" is not in ANY other level. It's an exclusive anti-Terminator device designed by John Connor himself, used only in his house! Apparently.

I just thought I should point out that, like in real life, remote control trucks have a habit of self-driving into you and exploding.

For some inexplicable (or is it?) reason, John's room isn't the one with the toy truck and the toy robot on the shelf and stuff. No, no. HIS is the PINK one. Anyway, here is one of those dumb cops! Hooray! And the next level is...the Galleria!

Now I will take the time of introducing you to the idiotic denziens of the Galleria:

	Space Moose's Son Space Moose's son also wears a plastic bag on his head, much like his mother. In fact, his outfit is kinda similar too...
	Guy Recycled as Miles Dyson Later in the Game GRMDLG is the black minority in this game. Because the game is racist.
	Stupid Security Guard Security Guards shoot anything. Pedestrians, John Connor, each other. You name it, they shoot it. They just like guns.
Not pictured	Boofhead Police Officer Boofhead Police Officer has a helmet. He's otherwise identical to Stupid Security Guard.
	Shoplifting Kid He's either got something under his jacket, or in his pocket. Or both. I think he's got something stuffed down his pants, too. Look at the shape of them compared to GRMDLG! Also he's black.
	Kelsey Grammer If this isn't him, then I'm an idiot. Just try to tell me I'm wrong!
	Highly Homosexual Man w/pistol (without pistol) He's back and it's time to do some shopping! For homoerotica, that is!
	Exercise Idiot This man likes to jog. In shopping centres. Seriously, if you ran around a shopping centre, you'd get crash tackled by the security guards who thought you were shoplifting. Obviously enough, he is a complete idiot.
	Shoplifting Kid #2 Same as before, but he's white. But he thinks he's black because he has a yellow jacket. Either that, or he got that from the op shop.

Now you know the local shoppers a little better, let's have a look at some of the great deals down here!

Cars are fun to blow up.

Here's the Highly Homosexual Man w/pistol (without pistol) on his way to 'flowers', along with Space Moose's Son. And a Stupid Security Guard, who's aiming at me. Because I don't have a gun drawn. I'm an easy target, see!

I just thought I should point out he's also stupid. Here's a pic of me shooting a drug store window, barely missing him. He didn't shoot me at all, nor did the next one that came along. Probably because the drug store gets robbed so often they're used to it. He's probably like, "Look! Hot babes! HEY! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND SPREAD YOUR LEGS!". Bugger it, either way I'm robbing this drug store.

Here's Exercise Idiot taking his daily jog through the Guns 'n' Ammo store. Told you he's an idiot. Sort of like how the ammunition store has ammunition shelves next to gun racks.

Here's a pic of me playing 'C A R'. The T-1000, looking sort of deformed, is approaching. I think he wants to play 'ROM', because he's walking by 'FIGHT'.

John Connor is a retard. Here is a pic of him playing a game that's broken. Also if he gets shot too much, he falls over, you help him, and he gets back up and continues playing. On the plus side I shot Kelsey Grammer right after this shot was taken!

Here is a pic of two Stupid Security Guards having a duel with pistols outside 'The Store'.

Here is a picture of one aiming at John Connor.
 

Just in case you don't believe me that he was hitting him, here is a plot chart I designed showing the trajectory. A straight line didn't work because it seemed it would hit me instead, so I assumed he ricocheted off the shadow of the bricks, off the stair rail, and got a headshot. Anyway, here is the diagram, as promised:

Next level!

Not much going on here, but they have a BITSI COLA machine! Awesome!

This is one of those new fangled couches that explodes when you shoot it.

This is a pointless room.

On my way to Mexico (which consisted of holding down a button and pushing the speedup key) I rammed a car. It was awesome so here is a screenshot of me ramming it, and of it exploding. Oh man, I wish this scene was in the movie.

Mexico is craptastic. Here is my objective. Like I need them when I have exploding couches!

This bit's not in the movie. Surrounded by Boofhead Police Officers.

Dyson's house hasn't got a security alarm!

But it seems to have its own personal SWAT team. Look at the idiot dropping from the roof! He's stuck! Hahahaha!

I accidentally forgot to take pictures of Cyberdyne, but basically it consisted of shooting pillars, catching an elevator, and shooting everything with a minigun. I had to plant explosives to blow up Cyberdyne, but I blew up 93% or so before I even planted them. Stupid.

Ah, the steel mill. Yet another gay icon for this game. Here is a T-800 endoskeleton. It's sad :(((

As I haven't pointed out you jump like an idiot in this game, I thought this would be the perfect time to do so. LOOK! HE ACTUALLY HAS A REASON TO JUMP! I mean, hell, I'd rather they have added an extra weapon or something. The T-800 never jumped in the movie, I don't think. PS: Jumping with chaingun = bullshit.

This bit's hilarious. You shoot the T-1000, he dances.

And falls. I forgot that part.

Oh yeah, this bit's just like the movie too. You have to fight him while he's in the steel. GREAT IDEA ACKLAME.

Once you destroy him, you just disappear. "I have to go now. My planet needs me." THANK GOD THIS GAME IS OVER. I WISH THIS GAME HAD A 'KILL YOURSELF' OPTION!

And that's it. The stupid errant piece of technology thinks there's such thing as 250% efficiency. Here is proof I spent TWO BLOODY HOURS playing this game. Pity me! I deserve mercy! And lots of anti-depressants.